Beginnings & Endings

So today was day 5 of stims and I am already feeling it. My stomach is bloated and gross already, (sitting here with my pant unbutton). I started on the Menopur on Sunday. Boy do those sting. I did them last cycle and I guess I blocked that out of my memory because I have no recollection of it hurting so bad. Anyway the Follistim is not too bad but yesterday it hurt going in and after I disposed of the needle I looked down and had blood running down my stomach. Not a  spot but a stream!!! I guess I nicked a small vein, just my luck huh?!?!

This morning I went in for the first of my blood works and ultrasounds since beginning the stims.The nurse decided since my poor right arm looked a little sore she would try to draw blood from my left arm. She tapped on the arm and low behold a nice vein popped up. She turned to grab something and then he went into hiding behind a tendon. She managed to get him out again and stuck him but he just did not want to cooperate. Two drops of blood was all he would spit out. So needless to say my poor right arm had to be stuck again. If you want to look at it differently because my left arm gave such a problem it bruised up real well and now I have matching arms!!! :)

Here are the results of my ultrasound. My clinic does not call about the blood work unless there is a problem. so I will have to ask what it was at my next appointment.

My lining is at a 6 which she said is real good at this stage
R Ovary                          L Ovary
1 - 10                             1 - 11
1 - 7                               2 - 10
1 - 6                               1 - 8.5
2 - 4                               2 - 7
There was another one on the right but I didn't get the size written down :(
I think she said there were some other smaller ones on each side.

I think that is a decent start. I go back in on Friday to check.

On another note I had posted last month about how it seemed all my family members were pregnant. My niece's OB was having trouble locating a heart beat and she went in last Friday for an ultrasound. Sadly there was just an empty sac, (blighted ovum). She had A D&C yesterday my heart goes out to her because I would never wish that on anyone. I know I sounded jealous and I am sure I was a little but I was truly happy for her and her husband. I feel bad because she just moved to Texas to be with him after he graduated from basic training. She doesn't have any family there but she is incredibly loved. I am sure her mom up in Heaven is watching over her.

Just Like Old Times

This is just a quick post. Well today was the day I started my follistim. For anyone not familiar with this drug is is a follicle stimulating hormone. So what that means it will help my ovaries produce more eggs for the IVF procedure. Anyways you would think that since I had done this before back in July that I would just grab that needle and stick in. Nope I stared at it for a while clean the pen with the alcohol rubbing pads several times since it has been sitting in its case collecting dust. washed my hands, not once, not twice, but three times!!! ( I wanted to make sure they were sterile. Cleaned the injection site with the alcohol pad twice. Stood there for a good 5 minutes and finally did. It was easy went in no problems. Now I just wait and hope that my ovaries respond well. I am having some discomfort in my right side, (the side I injected) but I think it is too soon. Sometime I think I work myself up hoping for some response that I may imagine it. I don't though.

Going to read my book now so until next time

Changes Can Be Good, Well That Is What I Keep Telling Myself

OK so I have been really really really bad about posting especially with so much that has changed since my last post. It has been a hectic few weeks getting ready to go out of town, helping my son finish his umptinth school project before we leave, cleaning the house from top to bottom so it would pass the white glove test while my mom stayed and watch Courtney and Tristan, and getting groceries in for them as well as goodies for our road trip. I did not sleep at all the night before we left but made up for it the car which resulted in a very stiff neck, there is not much room in a truck for four grown people traveling for 13 hours. I did have a great time in Utah and actually got to see snow falling for the first time in my life. I was like a child in a toy store. I ran around playing in it and probably looked very stupid to all the people of Utah but I don't care I had fun!!!! Kevin's two older kids flew back home on Sunday so they would not miss school and me and Kevin headed to Las Vegas where we had two free nights. That was a short and fast trip and although exhausted from the trip I had a great time.

Now down to business after my hysterscopy I was kind of depressed. My RE told me that the septum had grown back some which happens to about 20 %, Yeah lucky me!!!!  My left side of my uterus is not good, too small and not enough blood supply but the right side is large, (even large enough to carry twins) so when he does the transfer he will be placing the embryos in the upper right side, (hopefully they stay there).

The other thing that got me down was that I would not be starting on lupron on the 30th as originally planned. In fact I would not do lupron at all this cycle . Instead I am doing the antagonist protocol and this is how it goes.
 I ended BCPS on 4/3/11
Start Follistim  - 4/8/11
Start Menopur -  4/10/11
Start Ganirlex - When follicles reach about 14mm

That is all I have for my schedule so as you can see everything is pretty much the same except for the no lupron and adding the ganirlex. Now it is not that I am terribly sadden by the fact that I didn't get to start my shots earlier, (needle phobia here)  it just that I really don't like change. I was familiar with the original way and that gave me some comfort and I guess power. Now I feel in the dark and I don't like that feeling. I also did the most horrible of horrible things that can be done during this whole crazy process......


GOOGLE!!!!!

Yes google can be a great tool in finding information. However there is a lot of crap out there too. I know this and like a junkie who can't stay away from his drug it draws me in. Of course all the terrible outcomes for my protocol were right there and I read them. Yes I know everybody responds differently some protocols work great for some while they do jack for others. I think I just keep thinking that I responded well in my first cycle. It was just a couple days after egg retrieval that my embryos decided to crap out. I guess I am just scared and like everyone else doing this I just want this to work. Then I feel bad this is only my second cycle and I have friend that has been through several now and is fact getting ready to have her transfer tomorrow. She doesn't have kids yet and I just admire her courage and strength. She will be a great mom someday and I hope and pray that day will be soon. But I know no matter how it will happen.

Well I guess that is all I will be starting my first shots in the morning and I will let you know how that goes



Goodnight

Ready to Get the Show on the Road

I really need to get better about posting. Well I heard from Daina on Monday and got my IVF schedule. THis is how it looks so far:

Monday      3/28/11 - hystoscopy
Wednesday 3/30/11 - Begin Lupron
Sunday        4/03/11 - Stop Birth Control Pills
Wednesday 4/06/11 - Baseline & Blood work
Thursday     4/08/11 - Start  Stims (as long as I get the OK after my baseline & blood work)
Sunday        4/10/11 - Ultrasound & Blood Work
Tuesday      4/12/11 -  Ultrasound & Blood Work

The rest will be determined my how well I respond to the medication.

This time round my RE is upping my Follistim to 300 IU. Last time I was on 200 IU. Basically he wants to try and get about 20 to 25 eggs out of me! (OUCH). I thought I had a fair amount for my age last time which was 15 with 12 being mature. So I am probably going to be more sore this time around, (as long as my body cooperates) but it will all hopefully be for a great reason. So I am ready to get this show on the road.

I See Pregnant People

OK, so I'm  normally a happy human being, I am there for others when needed and celebrate in their successes. However, the green monster of jealously has reared her ugly head, (contrary to popular belief I am not perfect).

I have to start off my jumping back to last month for my mother's birthday. She just turned 72 and I hope I look half as good as she does when I reach that age. Anyways, she tells me that my sister's son and his girlfriend show up at her house with a card. My mom reads it and thanks them. My nephew's girlfriend then asks my nephew if she noticed and he tells her to read it again. My mom does and now notices that it says Happy Birthday Great Grandma!!! Yep that's right my nephew is going to be a dad!!! Now he is an adult, (33) but he does not have a job and still lives at home with my sister and his dad. He really has a lot of growing up to do, his voice mail says, "You have reached Satan. You know what to do. Do it." Maybe this will be a wake up call but I just don't know.

Last week I was on facebook, randomly looking at people's posts just trying to keep up with what is going on with family and friends. I noticed a lot of people were congratulating my niece, (my brother's daughter). I thought first of all it had to do with her husband since he just graduated from basic training in the air force  and maybe he got his papers to where he was being stationed. Nope their pregnant too, been married just under a year and are now expecting. I went in and told my husband that it is beginning to feel like everyone is pregnant but me and I am going to scream if I find out that one more family member is pregnant.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

Yep, yesterday I just found out that my brother's (same brother) son and wife are expecting their 5th child. I told my husband, "It is official everyone IS PREGNANT but me!!!! Next all I need to hear is that my daughter is expecting!!!" YIKES!!!!

Now I am happy for all of them and congratulated each one. But I guess I feel like an outsider looking through the window at their happiness. I keep thinking next month I should have been having my baby if I had not miscarried.

I know this is nothing more than my own personal pity party. I think we all feel that way at some point in our lives. Should I be having these ugly jealous feelings, I don't know the jury is still out....

Aunt Franny is Here

So earliar in my lasy post I was wondering when lovely Aunt Frannie was going to arrive. Well she started hinting about her arrival Late Tuesday afternoon and came knocking on my door Tuesday morning. I called my IVF coordinator Daina whom I absolutely love and was scheduled to come in for blood work yesterday morning.

Now since it had been over a year since both Kev and I had had blood work we had to redo the initial tests for HIV and other STD's. Now I love my husband with all my heart but he is a BIG WHINNY BABY when it comes to needles. Because he does not have feeling on certain areas on the top of the hand he asks the nurse to draw blood from there so he can't feel the needle going in!!! WTH I have to be poked and prodded with needles daily for some time during this process and for him this is a one time thing, (at least for a year.) It took forever to draw all the blood out because the veins are smaller there!!! If men, (at least like mine) were the ones that had to give birth, the human race would have died out long ago!!! LOL

As soon as my RE looks over the results Daina will call me back and I will finally get my schedule. YEAH!!!! Isn't it strange how excited I get over poking myself with needles but it is the hopeful end result of a baby or two. Tomorrow I start birth control pills so lets get this show on the road!!!!!!

Light at the End of the Tunnel

So, although I am getting over pneumonia I have been feeling pretty upbeat. I went in on Wednesday for my follow up for my septum removal. So no more estrogen pills, YEAH!!! I did get a progesterone shot, wasn't too bad, (those nurses really know what they are doing there). I was told I can expect my period to show up in about 3 to 5 days but it could take up to 2 weeks but to call them if it hasn't happen after that. So I am feeling pretty good, just waiting for Aunt Frannie (my period) to show and of course she is probably going to take her time just because I want her to arrive. After she does finally show I will go in for by blood work and hopefully get my schedule I really think I am seeing that light at the end of the tunnel and thinking is this finally happening after waiting 7 months since my miscarriage. I know there is a long road ahead and unfortunately no gurantees but I feel at peace and I am geared up ready to try again!!

On a different subject I am staying away from the dreaded scales. Because I was in the hospital and pumped full of steroids I put on 15 pounds within a week!!! I swear that should be illegal people should not be allowed to put on that much weight in that short of time. Since I am feeling better, (just get a little worn out) I am going to go work out tomorrow and hopefully burn some of that wait off. If not I am going to be an elephant by the time I finish the fertility drugs, I gain so much from them too!!!

Have a great night