For the past few days I have had no internet service. I sat and wondered what I did before the days of technology. Well I read some books, did some cleaning, played games with my kids. Sometimes it is nice to get away from all this and just live simply.
But now I am back and need to post as to what has been going on for me in these few days. Well we went in on Sunday hopeful that our embryos had caught up and were ready to be placed back in me. I kept thinking that is is Easter and it is a blessed day. If there was a day of good things then I prayed that today would be that day. First I like to comment that when you go to change into the hospital gown the worse place that you can put a women who has drank almost 32oz of water is in the bathroom. For me personally I see a toilet and I just have to go. So I went in with my back turned and quickly undressed. Again had to give the nurse all the information as if anything had changed from the day before. I know I know it is all about procedures. We sat waiting what seemed like forever. We were the last ones of the day even though out appointment time was 9:30, (slow day). Finally Dr. Craig appeared. Out of the 5 eggs one had disintegrated, (which we already sure was going to happen). As for the other four they had all caught up and were blastocysts!!! I like to just think that I have sleepy embryos and maybe that is a sign that as babies they will sleep through the night lol!!! Yeah I thought, I am going to be PUPO (Pregnant Unless Proven Otherwise) today!!! Then I looked at my RE and I saw there was a but coming. The embryologist felt that since we had waited an extra day the lining of my uterus would not be as thick and that it would be better to freeze them and due a frozen embryo transfer later. We could have also went with transferring all 4 of them that day in which he said that it would be very unlikely that all 4 would take or even 3 but my husband still sees that chance. He also said that he could not give me as a high a success rate if we did it that day. Now waiting to and doing a FET also carries some risks such as the embryos not surviving the thaw. It was our choice. He left us alone for a few minutes where we talked I didn't know what to do and just wanted to be pregnant. When Dr. Craig came back I asked him his professional opinion and he said that he was on the fence (Great!!!) but the embryologist, Dr. Tao highly recommended the FET and he always said if they ever disagreed on anything go with the embryologist. So that is what we did. I had to take another shot of progesterone, (had done one earlier that morning) and was told to stop all medications except for prenatal. My period should arrive within a week. Yeah!!! We go in tomorrow morning for a consult to discuss what are next steps are. I feel like we are going to our WTF appointment but I guess it is not really since it was just postponed. As far I know our transfer will be about June 3, just over 5 weeks away!!! Really?!?!? That just seems so far away!!!! In the meantime I am going to do some housecleaning and try to get some of the clutter out of our lives. Maybe shed a few pounds!!! Right now I feel like I am in limbo land again
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
2 Steps Forward 1 Step Back
Today was suppose to be the big day embryo transfer. All week since my egg retrieval I have been on pins and needles jumping every time my phone rang hoping it was not the clinic calling to say that all my embryos had arrested. No news is good news and so the week progressed with no calls. Last night I barely slept and I got up early figured I would have time to sleep while on my bed rest. We got there at 9:45 and there were two couples in front of us. I put on my sexy hospital gown, slippers and hat and patiently awaited my turn. At about 10:40 my Re came out to us and said that although 5 embryos had fertilized one looked so so and would probably not make it, there were two that were a day behind in growth, and the other two were 1/2 day behind. I couldn't believe it not again this felt like Deja Vu. Back in July the exact same thing happened and we came in the following day to do the transfer. It is such a let down because you get so excited for this day to finally arrive and then nothing. I didn't cry until we got out to the car and I told Kev that I felt like a failure. He of course said to stop the RE said that this happens about 20% of the times and that they looked good he just wanted to make sure which two would be the best 2 to put in tomorrow. Let me also tell you that we could have put in all 4 today which I would have be perfectly find but I think our RE scared Kev when he said that they could all take. So here we are waiting. I just hope and pray that they catch up and will be ready to return back home to me for the next several months.
Pray Pray Pray
Pray Pray Pray
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Egg Retrieval
Well I told you I was a wuss when it comes to meds and I was not able to post anything yesterday. Still hurting a little today but not too bad. The only thing is I am constipated so I have been drinking mucilex Yummy!!
Kevin and I arrived bright early at our clinic at 6:15 AM. The one nice thing about getting there so early is not too many people in front of you (there was one couple) and you get in faster. This is good because the sooner I get it done the sooner I can have some water. I remember talking to the nurse about my RE kids. The one thing I really like is that he and his wife also had to go through in vitro and I think that helps him to empathize with his patients as he has been on our side before. In fact he has 11 year old twins and 3 year old triplets!!!! I don't think I would mind twins maybe even triplets but I don't about much more than that and don't even know if I could carry that many with the septum in my uterus. Well as I was talking to the anesthesiologist I kept thinking when are the meds going to kick in next thing I know they were waking me up. They got 12 eggs but they were several immature ones. I had feeling that this was going to happen and still think that maybe they should have had be continue a day or two on the stims. So we got 5 mature eggs. I would be lying if I said I wasn't devastated because I know that there is less to work with and who knows how many of those 5 will even fertilize and after they fertilize how many of them will continue to grow and divide normally. I got on to the forum to let my fellow IVFers as well as facebook to let some friends that have been through this know what happen and then I took my percocet cried and passed out. One thing that I have to say about women who are going through this is that we rally around each other and work on boosting each others spirits. A few people had said to me that it is out of my hands and they are right. Last night I got down on my knees and prayed with an open heart. I know that my Heavenly Father is watching over me and that he knows my pain and I know that he will know if this is my time or not so I am letting go and letting God take over. This all I can do and although this is a very hard thing for me to do I think I felt better than I ever felt through this process.
UPDATE: So this morning I have been waiting the call from the embryologist. Surprisingly I have been very calm waiting to accept whatever is in store for me. At 9:29 AM Dr. Tao called. Now I don't really like talking to him not because he isn't pleasant but I believe he is Vietnamese and he is hard to understand.
Well here is the news: Out of my 5 eggs all 5 fertilized!!! Yeah I am cautiously optimistic as I know a lot can happen over the next few days. For now my transfer is scheduled for Saturday at 10:30 AM. I will get no further updates unless something goes wrongs. So here is hoping for no phone calls from the fertility clinic.
Kevin and I arrived bright early at our clinic at 6:15 AM. The one nice thing about getting there so early is not too many people in front of you (there was one couple) and you get in faster. This is good because the sooner I get it done the sooner I can have some water. I remember talking to the nurse about my RE kids. The one thing I really like is that he and his wife also had to go through in vitro and I think that helps him to empathize with his patients as he has been on our side before. In fact he has 11 year old twins and 3 year old triplets!!!! I don't think I would mind twins maybe even triplets but I don't about much more than that and don't even know if I could carry that many with the septum in my uterus. Well as I was talking to the anesthesiologist I kept thinking when are the meds going to kick in next thing I know they were waking me up. They got 12 eggs but they were several immature ones. I had feeling that this was going to happen and still think that maybe they should have had be continue a day or two on the stims. So we got 5 mature eggs. I would be lying if I said I wasn't devastated because I know that there is less to work with and who knows how many of those 5 will even fertilize and after they fertilize how many of them will continue to grow and divide normally. I got on to the forum to let my fellow IVFers as well as facebook to let some friends that have been through this know what happen and then I took my percocet cried and passed out. One thing that I have to say about women who are going through this is that we rally around each other and work on boosting each others spirits. A few people had said to me that it is out of my hands and they are right. Last night I got down on my knees and prayed with an open heart. I know that my Heavenly Father is watching over me and that he knows my pain and I know that he will know if this is my time or not so I am letting go and letting God take over. This all I can do and although this is a very hard thing for me to do I think I felt better than I ever felt through this process.
UPDATE: So this morning I have been waiting the call from the embryologist. Surprisingly I have been very calm waiting to accept whatever is in store for me. At 9:29 AM Dr. Tao called. Now I don't really like talking to him not because he isn't pleasant but I believe he is Vietnamese and he is hard to understand.
Well here is the news: Out of my 5 eggs all 5 fertilized!!! Yeah I am cautiously optimistic as I know a lot can happen over the next few days. For now my transfer is scheduled for Saturday at 10:30 AM. I will get no further updates unless something goes wrongs. So here is hoping for no phone calls from the fertility clinic.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Ready or Not Here We Go !!!!
Well I am terrible about posting but I have just been so exhausted and busy with the kids and getting the house clean before I am laid up that I just haven't had time to post one here. Sleep deprivation is sinking in, the other night I had not one, not two, not three, but four nightmares that woke me up throughout the night. The thing is none of the dreams were related just separate nightmares. It is funny though how vivid dreams/nightmares are right after you wake up but then start to fade. This is what has happened for all the nightmares I had except for one. That one has stuck with me and still bothers me. My 13 year old daughter told me she wanted to take a walk. We were not living at my current house but the house I grew up and the house my parents still live in to this day. It started to get late and I got worried. The next store neighbor said there was a problem with predators in the neighborhood. I searched and searched but she was gone taken from me forever, (I won't go into anymore details). The last thing I remember before waking up was beating the man that did this. I woke up with tears running down my face and my pillow was wet as well. This nightmare was so realistic that I went into my daughter's room to make sure she was alright. Later that morning to her protests I hugged her tightly and told her how much I love her. She looked at me like I was a nutcase.
Well I had been going to daily checkups since Friday. On that day I had the PA give me the ultrasound and she saw 11 follicles I was not too concern as it was only one less and sometimes they miss one or the nurse before may have over counted Also she was having a hard time seeing the left ovary as it was hiding behind my bowels. My lining was 8.3 which she said was good. I went home and was scheduled to come in the next day Saturday.
On that day 19 follicles were counted with the highest being 18mm and several more 10 mm or bigger. My lining was a 9.5. Later that afternoon I was called to start the Ganirelix. So at that time I was doing two stomach injections in the morning and one at night!!! My first experience with the Ganirelix was not pleasant. There is no preparation for it as it already comes ready in the syringe as I like to call it idiot proof. I washed my hands got my skin prepped got myself to psyched to stick the needle and went for it. The needle hit my skin and did not go in. Ouch this needle felt dull like I was trying to stab myself with a butter knife. There wasn't anything I could do since I couldn't change the needle out except suck it up and take it. It sure did sting!!!! The next day I asked Daina if they normally had duller needles. She told me the problem is with the rubber tops and that you have to be careful taking them off. I followed her instructions and did not have a problem with it after that.
On Sunday when I went in I had a different nurse do the ultrasound and at this time only 15 follicles were counted with the biggest at 21 and the smallest at a 6mm. I was also confused because my lining was measures at 8.6. I asked about this later and was told that there could be slight discrepancies but not to worry because it was still a good measurement. The nurse told me there was a little amount of fluid in my uterus and she wanted me to take Vitamin E twice daily and that should clear it up. I did the thing that I always warn my friends on the IVF forum never to do; I GOOGLED it!!! Of course it was full of horrible stories about it being toxic and how cycles usually have to be canceled.
BAD ME need to take my own advice!!!!
I was told that I might get a call that night to trigger and they gave me a sheet and said if they called they would give me my instructions and if not to come back in at my scheduled appointment. At about a quarter to one they called.
TRIGGER TIME!!!!
For those who do not know the trigger shot is a HSG shot that will cause you to ovulate about 48 hours after injecting it. The Re though will take my follicles before this happens, 36 hours later and hopefully there will be some mature good eggs in there. So I did my trigger at 7:00 PM and I have to be at the clinic at 6:15 AM for an egg retrieval at 7:00 AM. Nothing to eat or drink after 11. I hate that part, not the eating but the drinking I get so thirsty throughout the night and always have cottonmouth in the morning. I would be lying if I said I wished I had had an extra day of stims. I want give some of the smaller ones a little longer to catch up. But my RE knows what is best and I trust him completely. I am hoping I will fill less uncomfortable after egg retrieval my poor swollen stomach. I seriously look like I am pregnant already!!! I posted a picture of my stomach below.
I will try hard to let you know how many eggs were retrieved but I am such a wuss when it comes to meds I don't know how coherent I will be. I
Ready or Not Here We Go
My Poor Swollen Stomach
Well I had been going to daily checkups since Friday. On that day I had the PA give me the ultrasound and she saw 11 follicles I was not too concern as it was only one less and sometimes they miss one or the nurse before may have over counted Also she was having a hard time seeing the left ovary as it was hiding behind my bowels. My lining was 8.3 which she said was good. I went home and was scheduled to come in the next day Saturday.
On that day 19 follicles were counted with the highest being 18mm and several more 10 mm or bigger. My lining was a 9.5. Later that afternoon I was called to start the Ganirelix. So at that time I was doing two stomach injections in the morning and one at night!!! My first experience with the Ganirelix was not pleasant. There is no preparation for it as it already comes ready in the syringe as I like to call it idiot proof. I washed my hands got my skin prepped got myself to psyched to stick the needle and went for it. The needle hit my skin and did not go in. Ouch this needle felt dull like I was trying to stab myself with a butter knife. There wasn't anything I could do since I couldn't change the needle out except suck it up and take it. It sure did sting!!!! The next day I asked Daina if they normally had duller needles. She told me the problem is with the rubber tops and that you have to be careful taking them off. I followed her instructions and did not have a problem with it after that.
On Sunday when I went in I had a different nurse do the ultrasound and at this time only 15 follicles were counted with the biggest at 21 and the smallest at a 6mm. I was also confused because my lining was measures at 8.6. I asked about this later and was told that there could be slight discrepancies but not to worry because it was still a good measurement. The nurse told me there was a little amount of fluid in my uterus and she wanted me to take Vitamin E twice daily and that should clear it up. I did the thing that I always warn my friends on the IVF forum never to do; I GOOGLED it!!! Of course it was full of horrible stories about it being toxic and how cycles usually have to be canceled.
BAD ME need to take my own advice!!!!
I was told that I might get a call that night to trigger and they gave me a sheet and said if they called they would give me my instructions and if not to come back in at my scheduled appointment. At about a quarter to one they called.
TRIGGER TIME!!!!
For those who do not know the trigger shot is a HSG shot that will cause you to ovulate about 48 hours after injecting it. The Re though will take my follicles before this happens, 36 hours later and hopefully there will be some mature good eggs in there. So I did my trigger at 7:00 PM and I have to be at the clinic at 6:15 AM for an egg retrieval at 7:00 AM. Nothing to eat or drink after 11. I hate that part, not the eating but the drinking I get so thirsty throughout the night and always have cottonmouth in the morning. I would be lying if I said I wished I had had an extra day of stims. I want give some of the smaller ones a little longer to catch up. But my RE knows what is best and I trust him completely. I am hoping I will fill less uncomfortable after egg retrieval my poor swollen stomach. I seriously look like I am pregnant already!!! I posted a picture of my stomach below.
I will try hard to let you know how many eggs were retrieved but I am such a wuss when it comes to meds I don't know how coherent I will be. I
Ready or Not Here We Go
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Beginnings & Endings
So today was day 5 of stims and I am already feeling it. My stomach is bloated and gross already, (sitting here with my pant unbutton). I started on the Menopur on Sunday. Boy do those sting. I did them last cycle and I guess I blocked that out of my memory because I have no recollection of it hurting so bad. Anyway the Follistim is not too bad but yesterday it hurt going in and after I disposed of the needle I looked down and had blood running down my stomach. Not a spot but a stream!!! I guess I nicked a small vein, just my luck huh?!?!
This morning I went in for the first of my blood works and ultrasounds since beginning the stims.The nurse decided since my poor right arm looked a little sore she would try to draw blood from my left arm. She tapped on the arm and low behold a nice vein popped up. She turned to grab something and then he went into hiding behind a tendon. She managed to get him out again and stuck him but he just did not want to cooperate. Two drops of blood was all he would spit out. So needless to say my poor right arm had to be stuck again. If you want to look at it differently because my left arm gave such a problem it bruised up real well and now I have matching arms!!! :)
Here are the results of my ultrasound. My clinic does not call about the blood work unless there is a problem. so I will have to ask what it was at my next appointment.
My lining is at a 6 which she said is real good at this stage
R Ovary L Ovary
1 - 10 1 - 11
1 - 7 2 - 10
1 - 6 1 - 8.5
2 - 4 2 - 7
There was another one on the right but I didn't get the size written down :(
I think she said there were some other smaller ones on each side.
I think that is a decent start. I go back in on Friday to check.
On another note I had posted last month about how it seemed all my family members were pregnant. My niece's OB was having trouble locating a heart beat and she went in last Friday for an ultrasound. Sadly there was just an empty sac, (blighted ovum). She had A D&C yesterday my heart goes out to her because I would never wish that on anyone. I know I sounded jealous and I am sure I was a little but I was truly happy for her and her husband. I feel bad because she just moved to Texas to be with him after he graduated from basic training. She doesn't have any family there but she is incredibly loved. I am sure her mom up in Heaven is watching over her.
This morning I went in for the first of my blood works and ultrasounds since beginning the stims.The nurse decided since my poor right arm looked a little sore she would try to draw blood from my left arm. She tapped on the arm and low behold a nice vein popped up. She turned to grab something and then he went into hiding behind a tendon. She managed to get him out again and stuck him but he just did not want to cooperate. Two drops of blood was all he would spit out. So needless to say my poor right arm had to be stuck again. If you want to look at it differently because my left arm gave such a problem it bruised up real well and now I have matching arms!!! :)
Here are the results of my ultrasound. My clinic does not call about the blood work unless there is a problem. so I will have to ask what it was at my next appointment.
My lining is at a 6 which she said is real good at this stage
R Ovary L Ovary
1 - 10 1 - 11
1 - 7 2 - 10
1 - 6 1 - 8.5
2 - 4 2 - 7
There was another one on the right but I didn't get the size written down :(
I think she said there were some other smaller ones on each side.
I think that is a decent start. I go back in on Friday to check.
On another note I had posted last month about how it seemed all my family members were pregnant. My niece's OB was having trouble locating a heart beat and she went in last Friday for an ultrasound. Sadly there was just an empty sac, (blighted ovum). She had A D&C yesterday my heart goes out to her because I would never wish that on anyone. I know I sounded jealous and I am sure I was a little but I was truly happy for her and her husband. I feel bad because she just moved to Texas to be with him after he graduated from basic training. She doesn't have any family there but she is incredibly loved. I am sure her mom up in Heaven is watching over her.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Just Like Old Times
This is just a quick post. Well today was the day I started my follistim. For anyone not familiar with this drug is is a follicle stimulating hormone. So what that means it will help my ovaries produce more eggs for the IVF procedure. Anyways you would think that since I had done this before back in July that I would just grab that needle and stick in. Nope I stared at it for a while clean the pen with the alcohol rubbing pads several times since it has been sitting in its case collecting dust. washed my hands, not once, not twice, but three times!!! ( I wanted to make sure they were sterile. Cleaned the injection site with the alcohol pad twice. Stood there for a good 5 minutes and finally did. It was easy went in no problems. Now I just wait and hope that my ovaries respond well. I am having some discomfort in my right side, (the side I injected) but I think it is too soon. Sometime I think I work myself up hoping for some response that I may imagine it. I don't though.
Going to read my book now so until next time
Going to read my book now so until next time
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Changes Can Be Good, Well That Is What I Keep Telling Myself
OK so I have been really really really bad about posting especially with so much that has changed since my last post. It has been a hectic few weeks getting ready to go out of town, helping my son finish his umptinth school project before we leave, cleaning the house from top to bottom so it would pass the white glove test while my mom stayed and watch Courtney and Tristan, and getting groceries in for them as well as goodies for our road trip. I did not sleep at all the night before we left but made up for it the car which resulted in a very stiff neck, there is not much room in a truck for four grown people traveling for 13 hours. I did have a great time in Utah and actually got to see snow falling for the first time in my life. I was like a child in a toy store. I ran around playing in it and probably looked very stupid to all the people of Utah but I don't care I had fun!!!! Kevin's two older kids flew back home on Sunday so they would not miss school and me and Kevin headed to Las Vegas where we had two free nights. That was a short and fast trip and although exhausted from the trip I had a great time.
Now down to business after my hysterscopy I was kind of depressed. My RE told me that the septum had grown back some which happens to about 20 %, Yeah lucky me!!!! My left side of my uterus is not good, too small and not enough blood supply but the right side is large, (even large enough to carry twins) so when he does the transfer he will be placing the embryos in the upper right side, (hopefully they stay there).
The other thing that got me down was that I would not be starting on lupron on the 30th as originally planned. In fact I would not do lupron at all this cycle . Instead I am doing the antagonist protocol and this is how it goes.
I ended BCPS on 4/3/11
Start Follistim - 4/8/11
Start Menopur - 4/10/11
Start Ganirlex - When follicles reach about 14mm
That is all I have for my schedule so as you can see everything is pretty much the same except for the no lupron and adding the ganirlex. Now it is not that I am terribly sadden by the fact that I didn't get to start my shots earlier, (needle phobia here) it just that I really don't like change. I was familiar with the original way and that gave me some comfort and I guess power. Now I feel in the dark and I don't like that feeling. I also did the most horrible of horrible things that can be done during this whole crazy process......
GOOGLE!!!!!
Yes google can be a great tool in finding information. However there is a lot of crap out there too. I know this and like a junkie who can't stay away from his drug it draws me in. Of course all the terrible outcomes for my protocol were right there and I read them. Yes I know everybody responds differently some protocols work great for some while they do jack for others. I think I just keep thinking that I responded well in my first cycle. It was just a couple days after egg retrieval that my embryos decided to crap out. I guess I am just scared and like everyone else doing this I just want this to work. Then I feel bad this is only my second cycle and I have friend that has been through several now and is fact getting ready to have her transfer tomorrow. She doesn't have kids yet and I just admire her courage and strength. She will be a great mom someday and I hope and pray that day will be soon. But I know no matter how it will happen.
Well I guess that is all I will be starting my first shots in the morning and I will let you know how that goes
Goodnight
Now down to business after my hysterscopy I was kind of depressed. My RE told me that the septum had grown back some which happens to about 20 %, Yeah lucky me!!!! My left side of my uterus is not good, too small and not enough blood supply but the right side is large, (even large enough to carry twins) so when he does the transfer he will be placing the embryos in the upper right side, (hopefully they stay there).
The other thing that got me down was that I would not be starting on lupron on the 30th as originally planned. In fact I would not do lupron at all this cycle . Instead I am doing the antagonist protocol and this is how it goes.
I ended BCPS on 4/3/11
Start Follistim - 4/8/11
Start Menopur - 4/10/11
Start Ganirlex - When follicles reach about 14mm
That is all I have for my schedule so as you can see everything is pretty much the same except for the no lupron and adding the ganirlex. Now it is not that I am terribly sadden by the fact that I didn't get to start my shots earlier, (needle phobia here) it just that I really don't like change. I was familiar with the original way and that gave me some comfort and I guess power. Now I feel in the dark and I don't like that feeling. I also did the most horrible of horrible things that can be done during this whole crazy process......
GOOGLE!!!!!
Yes google can be a great tool in finding information. However there is a lot of crap out there too. I know this and like a junkie who can't stay away from his drug it draws me in. Of course all the terrible outcomes for my protocol were right there and I read them. Yes I know everybody responds differently some protocols work great for some while they do jack for others. I think I just keep thinking that I responded well in my first cycle. It was just a couple days after egg retrieval that my embryos decided to crap out. I guess I am just scared and like everyone else doing this I just want this to work. Then I feel bad this is only my second cycle and I have friend that has been through several now and is fact getting ready to have her transfer tomorrow. She doesn't have kids yet and I just admire her courage and strength. She will be a great mom someday and I hope and pray that day will be soon. But I know no matter how it will happen.
Well I guess that is all I will be starting my first shots in the morning and I will let you know how that goes
Goodnight
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